Guys, have you ever really sat down and tried to analyse the way that you communicate with people? Have you ever thought about how the delivery of words can influence which way things go? Do you ever sit outside of yourself and observe what or how you do things, how you say things? Are you an observer or just someone taking part in the story of your life? Do you realise that good Communication governs your success in all that you do? Not just in business but also in relationships?
In Australia we pride ourselves on being up-front when we deal with people. We pretty-much say what we think when we think it. However, I’ve noticed that this practice causes the loss of multiple connections with people. For those adults who have reached the point of knowing who their authentic-self is, they have become independent beings. And that’s great! The world sure needs a lot more independent beings. However, that does not give that man or woman the right to order others around, even if they ARE giving what they think is advice.
Did You Ask?
Firstly, when you go to give someone advice, have they asked you for that advice prior to you thinking you need to offer it? If they didn’t, why are you giving it? Did you get their permission or did you simply assume that they wanted to hear you tell them what to do? It is a very typical male thing for a guy to start telling a lady what to do, even though she didn’t ask for the advice.
Men seem to think that this makes them important and needed. Really, all it does is it shows them to be a bit of a know-it-all and a bully. Their advice wasn’t sought, they delivered their advice by giving orders (not offering advice), and then they think that they have every right to do that. The absolute and total fact of the matter is that they don’t.
When someone lets you know that you’re telling them what to do, do you get all offended and storm off? Or do you stop and look at your own behaviour? Are you big enough within yourself to own what you have done when you have imposed yourself on another? Or are you too emotionally immature to be able to do that? Do you try to blame the other for your own mistakes? Are you willing to learn, or do you think that you know best? Or is it a case of “It’s my way or the highway!” ?
Many people have plateaued in their development. If we don’t aim to learn and grow and improve our Communication skills, then we slide backwards quite quickly in our ability to communicate. It’s important to at least try to speak to people in a way where we are not dominating or dismissing them. Especially if they let us know that we have pushed ourselves on them in a way that they don’t like.
We must look at what we have done and analyse it to see if we have infringed on another without realising it. Did they seek our advice before we gave it? Are we telling them what to do? C’mon, be honest with yourself. If you at all have a conscience, as Carl Jung says we do, you will know if you are truthful with yourself (and not living in delusion) whether or not you have overstepped the mark in any way.
Respect Other People
Even if you don’t feel that you overstepped the mark, the one whom you were talking with did. If you want to keep the friendship then you should apologise, if you are capable of admitting your mistakes. If it threatens your self-image too much to admit that you are wrong, then lose the friendship you will. You might storm off and claim that you’re leaving, but the truth is that your immaturity is on show for all to see and it won’t be missed when you ‘leave’.
Origins of Communication
When we are children we are helplessly dependent on our parents. We rely on them taking care of us, feeding us, changing our nappy, and keeping us warm. We truly are at the mercy of people who can either be trusted or they can’t. There are various degrees of care in child-raising and most mothers go on to repeat the same abuses that they experienced as a child. They have no idea how to care for their own children.
Some mothers are angelic in the way that they raise their children. They are loving and kind, and even though they set boundaries they do not infringe on the rights of their children. Yes, their kids get a smack on the bum sometimes, but most of the time there is respect for the soul contained within the small frame of that child. The child may get into trouble but they know that they are loved all the way through it. In such homes, children learn good Communication skills.
Those who grow up in loving homes like this are very lucky indeed, as it is not common for such to be the case.
Unfortunately this is not the case in homes where mothers haven’t resolved their own issues. If a mother herself wasn’t loved and is seeking for her own children to make up for that, the child is not treated as if he or she is a living being in their own right. Often they are dictated to by a tyrant who wants things all her own way.
Our home environment from the time that we are born is where we learn our Communication skills. As we learn to speak, we vacillate between trying to speak up for ourselves and suppressing what we have to say for fear of being punished. Or, for fear of being abandoned.
Hellish mothers tell us to shut up, or they punish us for doing something that we didn’t know was wrong, or they threaten to abandon us. Sometimes we are punished for not wanting to do what we are told we have to do. Our Communication skills get stifled because we want to protest but won’t because of the fear of the repercussions. We seem to never be able to get it right as the goal posts keep shifting.
Teaching Kids Wrong
On the one hand we need our parents’ approval, and on the other we feel oppressed by them and want to push back against the way that they speak to us. Often, we end up hating them with a vengeance. Our voices get stuck in our throat and our rage comes out sideways. At a minimum we become the rebel teen who never does anything that they are told to do. In worst case scenarios we become the criminal who pushes back against ANY kind of authority.
People simply have no idea how much their own issues affect their children’s development. Where else can a child learn but from their parents? The damage is already done by the time they get to school.
How that Affects Us
Living in a home such as the one described above does not teach us how to communicate effectively. Often we have swallowed what we truly wanted to say and then later it comes out as a forceful expression of our rage and anger. We don’t learn to switch off, because by now we are in a pattern of stilted Communication and unless we consciously observe what we are doing, we don’t improve.
We must first deal with the rage within us. That is number one. Then we must avoid projecting our need to help ourselves out onto other people by trying to control them or telling them what to do.
Notice Ourselves Speaking
For good Communication we must become aware of the use of our voice. We must notice the tone that we use and the level of forcefulness that is applied when we speak to others. Men especially need to learn that women don’t want or need advice. Us women are happy when you listen to us but we don’t want or need advice. A woman will work her own problems out simply by using you as a sounding board for her to sort through her own thoughts on the matter.
Guys, you won’t get anywhere with a woman who is your equal if you tell her what to do. That old paradigm of men being the boss in a discussion or relationship is long gone. Communication needs to be more well developed and of an equal footing these days. Time to grow up, boys. You are needed as an adult now. Leave your little boy behind now and take on being a man.
Strong Men vs Weak
A strong man is loving and protective. Weak men refuse to own their own mistakes and are nasty and vindictive. A weak man thinks he’s smart by broadcasting to anyone who will listen the fact that his nose is out of joint over something that was caused by him in the first place. He lies to others about the details of what occurred anyway. Really, all it does is show just how much he needs to grow up.
Let’s hope we all learn to set aside the ways of immaturity and grow into adults.
Thanks for reading,
Psychic Madeline Rose
Here’s a site where you’ll find my writings.
My novel, The Bravehearts of Belgrave High, has now been published. I have completed the first in a series of novels that I wrote for teens. It is the courageous story of a young girl growing up in a home filled with domestic violence. Unfortunately, she also has to endure a schoolyard and a neighbourhood full of bullies. We read how she maneuvres her way through such a difficult situation. Plus, we see how she grows because of it (among other themes in the novel).
I hope that young readers will be inspired to treasure their unique differences due to reading this novel. If they don’t fit in with the system or with those around them, they should realise that it’s quite okay not to fit in.
This novel was written to help raise funds for the private foundation that I established. My foundation might later become a charity. Click here if you’d like to be taken to the site where you can purchase this novel. If you cannot see the site, use a browser other than Chrome.
Would you like to meet someone special for a long term relationship? There’s a new Australian match-making service starting very shortly. Keep your eye out for when it is ready to launch. It is specifically for the unvaccinated so that they can meet other people who are not genetically modified, like those referred to in various articles on my site. Here’s the link: LoveHonourandRespect.Me