Triangular Relationships
In my psychic work on 1900 numbers, I often speak to clients who are involved in an extra-marital affair. These Triangular Relationships are never good for any of the people involved. I’m surprised at how many clients are in that situation. In America, they all seem to be. I get a few in Australia like that too, but it seems to be a big problem for so many people.
When my callers ring, many are involved in situations where they are the third party in someone else’s relationship or marriage. Some of my callers are married but also have a mistress or a lover without their husband or wife knowing. All of these situations cause these people pain at some stage in their relationship. Some of these situations end up causing the end of their main relationship.
Flirting
On occasion, clients will phone after having just ended an affair with a married man. Certain affairs had been going on for quite a number of years. It may have begun as a simple flirt, but that’s where the danger lies. Flirting leaks the energy of the circle of love that you have with your partner. It’s like a slow leak in a tire… sooner or later the tire is going to run out of air and go completely flat. That’s exactly what flirting does to your relationship. All of the energy that was being saved to conserve your spousal relationship gets spent on the thrill of an extra-marital affair.
Sex Interferes With Logic
Soon, flirting is not enough to sustain the energy between the two flirters, and sooner or later they end up in bed together. Usually, by this stage, the woman has fallen in love with the man. Sometimes, he too has fallen in love with her. The relationship is exciting, and it fills a void that has grown in their respective marriages due to the familiarity of living together and the boredom of sex with one partner for too many years.
Differences in Approach
The problem is that men’s and women’s minds work so differently. Men are very capable of compartmentalising their lives. They can put their marriage or main relationship in one part of their mind and have their lover placed into another part of their mind, and never the twain shall meet. Women simply cannot do that. They automatically blend the sensations of their body with their emotions, so having sex with a guy usually opens their heart to feeling a loving emotion for him. Women have a much harder time keeping the two separate.
Fantasy
Then, once the woman is no longer thinking straight, she imagines that her lover feels so much more for her than what he really does. What’s happening here is she is seeing through the eyes of a system full of her own emotions. Because of that, she sees her own love for him, not his for her, but mistakes it as such. And if he happens to treat her with respect and kindness (which he would have no choice in doing, seeing as it’s more difficult to find a woman who will settle for having an affair with a married man), she starts thinking that he’s her soulmate. All of her boundaries go out the window. In his mind though, things are very different.
A Thrilling Adventure
To him, she’s a very convenient way to get his needs met in an exciting way. He always runs the risk of getting caught and losing the love and commitment of his wife, which makes the whole arrangement rather thrilling. It’s a thrill that he hasn’t felt since he pursued his wife in their early courtship phase prior to getting married. Now physically, what this thrill does is release endorphins such as dopamine and norepinephrine. These will make the heart beat faster and the brain become more alert. It’s a very good feeling – a drug high – and it’s addictive.
Complications
Then what happens is the cheating lovers get enmeshed in something that could topple sideways if they don’t restrain themselves. Usually, when things start getting out of balance, the guy ends it. And that’s when I have clients phoning me for help with the grief that they’re experiencing. The female of the two gets very resentful of her cheating lover’s wife and then to punish him for being happy with her she picks fights. She tries to put distance between them when her heart and body want more than anything to be in his arms. So she refuses to answer his calls or texts. In the end, he will run out of patience with her.
Words that Hurt
Then, when the situation comes to a head, a lot of very unkind things will be said by both parties. The affair is finalised when the one who usually tries to smooth things over no longer wants to anymore. The one who used to try to sort things out decides that it’s not worth doing that. So their decision not to communicate leaves the other one despairing and grieving the loss of what they once had.
Grief and Loss
The one who feels such deep loss will be struggling not to pick up the phone to and call the other, if even just to hear their voice. Then the “what if’s” start to play in people’s heads. What if I hadn’t done this? What if I hadn’t done that? and What if we’d never gone there in the first place?
The truth is though that the one hurting is deeply in grief and the difficulty is that the lost lover is not gone. The lost lover is still there, alive and well. It’s a different sort of loss as when one partner dies. The hurting partner still has the opportunity of contacting the one who has left. This keeps him or her caught up in the possibility of reconciliation, and perhaps the acceptance phase of the grief is eluding them.
Messy Endings
Women forget that they are only a small part of their cheating lover’s life. He saves the major part of his life for his wife and family. When the woman’s emotions start to rise in reaction to the affair ending, she becomes hugely resentful and massively angry that she didn’t get to have “more” of him. She’s likely to again demand that he choose her over his wife and children. The likelihood of that happening is about buckleys and none (that’s Aussie for No Fat Chance).
Settling for Less
If you’ve been in an affair, you forget that you come or came second on the list. What this does to you is impress your energy field with an acceptance of second place in a relationship. This is a very bad standard to set for oneself, for any woman. Then, the only kind of relationship that you can manifest is one where you are not the main interest in your partner’s life. He’ll either be married to someone else, or married to his work, or married to a hobby or to making money. He will never be there for you.
Ask Yourself Why
If you are married and you have been having an affair with someone else, why haven’t you tried to fix your relationship? Why haven’t you looked at your problems fair and square in the eye and dealt with the reasons why you’re bored, or having difficulties, or losing interest? Isn’t it worth trying to fight for your marriage?
If you’ve done all that, and things in your marriage are still not working, then ask yourself the question, “Why am I staying in a marriage that can’t be fixed?” This question is especially important to ask yourself if your partner has been abusing you physically or emotionally. If that is the case, then you need to leave as soon as possible. A relationship like that simply can’t be fixed, so get out.
Set a Higher Standard
Affairs are impossible. Too many times they don’t come to a peaceful conclusion. It’s no use hoping that he will leave his wife. In fact, he’s more likely to replace you with someone else than he is to leave his wife. Don’t let yourself be used. Restrict yourself to only falling in love with a man who is single. Someone who has no ties to any messy ex’s and who wants only to be with you.
Conclusion
Don’t waste your good energy on something that will never work out. You’ll waste a lot of years of time waiting around for someone who has no intention of making you his number one. If you plan to have children, then being number two on the list is something to avoid at all costs. You don’t get a second chance to be young enough to have kids once you’ve passed that age.
Find the right guy for you when you’re young so that it’s still possible to have children, and then work to maintain a good relationship. Don’t take him for granted. If you do that, he’s sure to go looking elsewhere. Then some other girl will end up being the third party in your own triangular relationship.
Thanks for reading,
Psychic Madeline Rose
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To read more articles that will help you to develop your skills at taking part in a relationship, please click here. You’ll be taken to the blog for the foundation that I have begun which helps women to leave violent relationships.
You’ll find articles there that will teach you how to discern the right partner for you. Also how to maintain the relationship, and how to leave should he or she be treating you badly.
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